Anxiety Diary #2

Tomorrow I fly to Auckland for work. This is when I start to get really anxious.. I'm only going overnight, and I know it's only a 1 hour plane ride but I get this big weight on my shoulders as the hours tick closer to leaving. 

It's times like this where I want to sit in a corner and cry, which is really stupid because I'm only going overnight. My anxiety stops me from enjoying the little things in life, like being fortunate enough to travel for work.

The closer it ticks towards leaving, the closer it is until I'll be back and I just have to keep remembering that.. 

*******
I've been in Auckland for 13 hours now, and although the landing was smooth, my arrival into Auckland was anything but. Thanks anxiety.

I got off the plane, walked into the nearest toilet and cried for about 5 minutes, re-did my makeup and gave myself a little 'you can do this' pep talk. I then needed to walk to the international terminal, after 10 minutes of walking and 3 episode of anxiety and crying, I eventually made it! 

It's now 13 hours later and the longest I've gone without crying is about 3 hours.. It seems my anxiety is coming out in the form of non-stop crying. 

Sometimes I wish I could switch off my anxiety, I mean it's only one night away, right? But it seems like an impossible mountain to climb and the closer I get to the top, the finish line keeps moving. 

I just hope one day I can learn to tackle this mountain, because I'm sick of it taking over my life.